I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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