she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
His nipple licking is glorious
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