i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
