Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
