just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
