i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have already put on my inside pants.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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