Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
