i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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