No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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