We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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