So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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