help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
