i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
