On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
