Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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