just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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