We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
