i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
