i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
