I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
