brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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