I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So many bounce houses so little time
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
