WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
