genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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