it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
