You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
