i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
