It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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