I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
