I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
