If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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