just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I got inside last night via doggy door
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
