K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
