hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
