waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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