The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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