Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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