There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I am available for nakedness
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
