I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
