I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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