I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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