He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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