LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
