I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
