Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
