She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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