u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
