he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
