I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
