I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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