I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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