At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
