I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
