Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
