i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
