At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
